Remember
by Carline
Summary: What I think might have happened to Susan, and how Lucy might have tried to help her. Twopart fic. T to be safe.
1. Part I

**Disclaimer : Do you really think I'd be writing on this site if I owned Narnia?**

**This seems to be a fairly common idea, but I'm going to do it anyway. It never seemed right to me that the Pevensies just let Susan go like that. It's also the first time I've tried an angst fic, so be nice. And here it is, the next installment of my genius (yeah right!).**

_**Last of the Great**_

Susan laughed at a joke her friend had made. She thought briefly of her siblings, especially about the fact that they had gone to the Professor's house in the country. In the middle of June, as well! When there was so much to do in London, so many parties and friends. They must be mad.

_**Flashback : **_

_Susan entered her parents' house with a little apprehension. She was back later than she was supposed to have been, and she didn't want to be caught by her parents. They were supposed to be having a family dinner, and she hadn't been there. She smiled as Lucy came out of the dining room to greet her. Lucy had lost none of her innocence in the years since they had been evacuated. She was still the same girl, even though she was seventeen now and more worthy of the term 'young woman' than 'girl'. She still had bright blue eyes that sparkled and lit up whenever she was happy. She was the only one of her siblings that Susan was in any way close to._

_Peter followed his little sister. He had grown tall since the war, and he was the pride of the family, perfect at everything he did, simply because he tried harder than anyone else. He still had blond hair, and blue eyes, and was still the protector of his younger siblings. He had grown more and more distant from Susan ever since she had started growing up and rejecting that stupid game that they had played when they were children, the one that her siblings had held onto so hard, never forgetting and always talking about it, but he had always been there for her when she needed him. He had looked at Susan with those sorrowful blue eyes when she had first voiced her opinion on Narnia, but he, unlike his younger brother and sister, didn't try to change her mind. He seemed to know her mind was made up and nothing would change it. _

_Edmund came out after Peter. His eyes darkened when he saw his older sister. Of all the Pevensies, he had tried hardest to make her remember Narnia, to admit that it wasn't a game. She had pushed him away every time. Peter had accepted her decision, Lucy had thought that Susan was joking, that she didn't really mean it. Edmund had tried, but failed.He didn't sulk like he used to, and was altogether a much more pleasant person to know. But Susan had forgotten why he had changed. She thought, as did their parents, that it was his stay in the country that had changed him. He, Peter and Lucy knew better.He too had grown since the war, and his brown eyes, so different from the rest of his family, held the same light that was in Peter's and Lucy's eyes. But not Susan's._

_Lucy smiled impulsively. « Susan, you'll never guess! Professor Kirke has invited us to go visit him in the country again! We'll be able to talk about Narnia, about everything! Do come, please come! »_

_At this plea from her sister, Susan's heart wavered, but held firm. « Don't be silly, Lu. Narnia was just a game we played to pass the time when we were evacuated. How would that interest the Professor? Anyway, I can't come. I've been invited to stay at a friend's house for a week, I won't have time to go up to see the Professor. You go, and enjoy it. I'm happier here. »_

_It nearly broke Susan's heart to see her little sister's face fall as it did. Lucy's eyes filled with tears. « You really don't remember, do you? Please come, Susan. Please. »_

_« No, Lucy! I told you I'm too busy. » And Susan had stormed up to her room, barely knowing why she was so upset._

_**End Flashback.**_

The telephone rang and Susan ran throughtothe kitchen to answer it.

« Miss Pevensie? »

Susan's heart plummeted, even though she didn't know why. « Y-yes? »

« I'm very sorry, ma'am. Your family were killed in a train crash today. All but your two brothers, who were on the platform, were in the first carriage and when the train crashed it killed the two waiting to board... I'm so sorry... »

Susan felt her heart stop beating. Her family... train crash... dead... no, it wasn't possible. She had seen her parents yesterday. How could they... Her mind was a whirl, she couldn't think straight. She heard the officer on the other end hang up as if from a million miles away. Her blood pounded in her ears, she put the telephone down as if in a trance... She returned to the front room.

« Su? Are you alright? What was it? »

Barely knowing what she was saying, Susan answered. « My family died in a train crash... » Then, as if the words had unblocked something inside her, she collapsed onto the sofa as the full reality of it came crashing down on her. They were dead. They weren't coming back. Sobs racked her slender frame as her mind struggled to take it in.

Her friend's voice sounded dimly in the background, weak as a leaf in the wind. « I'll... I'll leave then. See you later. » The front door slammed behind the girl as she left the Pevensie house.

Susan barely noticed. Her mind was fixed on the fact that they were gone, all of them.

Peter, so serious and irritatingly protective of his siblings, yet always there when she needed a shoulder to cry on.

Edmund, persistent yet easily pushed away, who had always tried to bring her back into the family.

Mother and Father, always telling her what to do, but always for her own good, always to help her.

And Lucy... Lucy who had always looked up to her sister, who had loved everything in the world despite anything they had done to her... Lucy who had believed in Susan til the last. Susan felt she could have coped if only Lucy had survived as well. But she hadn't, and now she was gone forever.

* * *

Lucy Pevensie watched her sister from Aslan's realm. She felt the great Lion himself join her, watching through the window that allowed her to see back to the Shadowlands, as Aslan called it. She turned to face him, tears in her eyes, as they had been the last time she had seen her sister.

« Please, Aslan. Bring her back. She doesn't deserve this. No-one does. »

The Lion shook his mane and answered. « Child, she does not believe anymore. I cannot help her if she does not believe. »

« But you can! The first time we all came to Narnia together Peter and Susan came too even though they didn't believe me when I told them! »

« That is different, child. They had not then seen Narnia. They had no reason to believe apart from your word. » Aslan seemed to consider for a moment. « I also believe Susan is strong enough to go on by herself in your world. But we shall see. »

* * *

Susan moved as if under water, accomplishing each action slowly and without really paying attention to it. She finally went up to bed, pulling back the covers and climbing in as slowly as everything else. As she lay back on her pillow, however, something sharp poked her in the neck. She reached her hand under the pillow, and pulled out a letter. The front of the envelope was marked _To Susan_... In Lucy's writing. She opened it with fumbling fingers. Eventually it lay open in front of her.

* * *

**Voilà! Part one finished. I'll probably write Part two tomorrow during school. Reviews are welcome, as is constructive criticism. Flames aren't. **

**Carline**


	2. Part II

**I'm so sorry this was so long in coming! This part was a lot harder than I thought it'd be, plus I didn't manage to write it in French class :) Thanks to the reviewers for the last chapter! This should be the last part... Unless I'm inspired. Start running now. **

_**Part II**_

Susan started to read the letter, which ran as follows :

_Dear Susan,_

_I'm not even sure why I'm writing this. I think it's because a part of me wants to believe that you're still the Susan Pevensie I grew up with, still the great Queen Susan of Narnia who ruled with Peter, Edmund and me. Maybe I'm wrong, but I don't think so, somehow. I think I understand why you stopped believing in Narnia. It hurt you too much, never being able to go back. It hurt all of us, Su. Why were you the only one who gave up? What was so good in this world to make you turn your back on Narnia? I know you have all those friends, but don't we mean more? Doesn't Aslan mean more? _

_Peter, Edmund and I managed to live without Narnia. We could still talk about, remember it, save it from being forgotten. It was so much better when Eustace and Jill went back as well. We had new friends to talk to about it, as well as the Professor and Aunt Polly. They helped us, told us what happened to all our old friends. _

_Don't you remember, Susan? The time we watched Aslan die on the Stone Table, and come back to life? When we rode to the Witch's house on his back? When we saw Edmund nearly die on the battlefield, and brought back to life by the cordial Father Christmas gave me? Do you remember your horn and bow that he gave you? Peter's sword and shield? Do you remember falling back through the wardrobe and feeling the years just fall away until we were just children again? Do you remember why Edmund changed? Peter? Me? You changed too, Susan. You've gone back to what you were before, though, before Narnia. Do you remember Caspian, and beating Trumpkin in that archery contest? Do you remember anything?_

Susan's tears started to fall onto the letter as she read it. It all came rushing back suddenly, a sudden flood of memories. She read the end of the letter through blurred eyes, the letters swimming on the page in front of her.

_I'm sorry for you if you can't or won't remember. You've cut so much out of your life if you have. Today Peter, Edmund and I are leaving to stay at the Professor's. I wish you were coming too. _

_Once we were Queens of Narnia, Susan. Remember that at least, even if you want to deny the rest. You will always be a Queen of somewhere, even if that place is unattainable. It's just a matter of believing. _

_I just want you to know that whatever happens, you'll always be my sister. And I'll always remember you as you were in Narnia. Susan the Gentle. That aspect of you never changed._

_Love, Lucy._

Susan had stopped crying by now. There were no more tears left to come. Lucy was gone. And Susan couldn't follow her. Not now, not ever.

* * *

Lucy watched.

Peter and Edmund had joined her by now. Jill, Edmund, Aunt Polly and the Professor were still off greeting old friends.

Edmund turned abruptly to Lucy. "Why did you leave her that letter?"

"I don't know. There were just a few things that I couldn't have said to her face that were easier to put down on paper. I hoped that if she read the letter while we weren't there, she might have changed when we got back..." Lucy smiled. "It would have been nice to come back and find her back to how she was, don't you think?"

Peter hadn't taken his eyes off the window. "Do you think she believes now, or not?"

"She does." The three children turned to face Aslan.

"Then she can come back?" Lucy asked excitedly.

"She missed her chance, Lucy Pevensie. There are some things even I can't do."

Lucy's face fell, and her eyes swam with tears. "So we'll never see her again?"

"Did I say that, Daughter of Eve?"

Lucy looked Aslan in the face for a few moments more, then lowered her eyes and turned back t the window showing her sister.

"Lucy." She didn't look round as Aslan came to stand next to her. "The window must be closed. It can only be opened for short times, or this world will change into something similar to your world, not the perfect place it is meant to be."

Lucy stood completely still for a second, then nodded and walked back down the hill to join her brothers. Aslan watched through the window for a while, then breathed on it, and sighed sorrowfully as the vision of Susan Pevensie faded into nothing.

* * *

Susan Pevensie opened her eyes to see the letter lying on her bedside table, where she had put it before switching off her light and crying herself to sleep the night before. She swung herself out of bed, and went to look at her reflection in her mirror.

The same girl looked out at her as last week, but this one had a regal air about her, even though it was hidden beneath layers of a sorrow that was so deep as to enclose her entire being. She smiled slightly. Queen Susan the Gentle lived again.

* * *

Two weeks later, Susan still hadn't gotten used to the fact that her family was gone.

She still walked home every night, opened the door and shouted to her mother to tell her she was home, only to cut herself off mid-sentence as she felt the emptiness of the house.

She still walked along to Lucy's room when she had a problem and wanted to talk about it to somebody, only to stop halfway along the corridor and remember that Lucy had gone.

She still turned round when the door slammed, expecting to see Edmund there, having gotten home from school and in a towering temper because of something someone had said to him.

She still expected Peter to come into her room when she was upset, to comfort her as only he had been able to do. As he had been able to comfort everybody.

She still watched the clock until six in the evening for her father to come home from his work, tired and hungry.

Sometimes she even found herself calling to them in the morning when she left for work, to say goodbye.

* * *

Until, one day, several years later, she came back home after work to find someone sitting in her front room waiting for her.

"L-l-lucy?" Susan, for the first time in her life, stuttered like a schoolgirl. "W-w-what...?"

Her sister turned round to face her, and smiled. "Susan."

"How... how is this possible? You died... train crash... years ago..."

Lucy smiled again. "I did, didn't I?"

"But..."

"Aslan sent me."

"Aslan? Why?"

"To bring you home, of course."

"Really? Even though, you know, I..." Susan trailed off, looking anywhere but at her sister.

"Of course! We never gave up on you, you know."

"And I can go back? To Narnia, I mean?"

"Do you believe you can?" Lucy smiled, and held out her hand.

Susan hesitated, then took her sisters hand, saying as she did so. "I never really stopped."

As the two girls' hands touched, Susans spirit departed from this world and met Lucys as she returned to Narnia for the last time.

* * *

The police found Susans body in her house in London five hours later. The doctor announced that she had obviously suffered a heart attack and died. The only factor that (some said) seemed to belie this reasoning was the smile on her face. She was home.

* * *

**Hmmmmm... I don't really like the ending, better ideas welcome, please review, you know the drill. Thanks to all who reviewed and I'm sorry for the wait.**

**Carly**


End file.
